I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
