that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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