Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
