; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
