First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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