it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I AM VODKA MAN
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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