If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
