i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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