We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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