If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
