paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
