once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
