I need help removing her.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
