im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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