question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
