planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
