My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize