I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
