it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
