She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
