There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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