Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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