i permit you to call me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
