she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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