someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
