Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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