i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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