I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
