Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
