So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
