2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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