i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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