Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
