Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
