i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
