Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
