if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
