Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
