oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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