True but thats because hes a fetus.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
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