dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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