I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize