i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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