Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
True strength comes from lack of pants
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
