Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I party with great urgency now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
