Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
