so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
