I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
