it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
