Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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