her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
