someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
