the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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