my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
