we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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