He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize