So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
