I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
