oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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