so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Houston, we have a squirter
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
