My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
