you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
