Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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