Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
