Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
All the doctor said was why
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
