It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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